Here is a holiday story that you might find funny

Christmas Soup. My sister-in-law went with her father to one of his Eagles Club Dinners and they had a really good soup so she got the recipe. We were planning our Christmas "get-together" so she said she would bring this soup she got the recipe for. My sister-in-law works full time plus keeps up with my niece who is two months older than my son so she kind of harried sometimes. She started buying the ingredients for this soup which along the way should have set off warning bells but she didn't notice.

For example, the recipe called for FOUR packages of fresh mushrooms. My sister-in-law lives about 3 miles outside a very small town so she likes to shop at the little store there as much as possible so it stays open rather than driving the 15 miles into the decent sized town my brother works in. The little store only had three packages of mushroom which was more than likely their whole weeks inventory. So she called my brother at work and asked him to pick up another package of mushrooms in town before he came home. After she got home, she noticed the recipe called for ONE CUP of pepper...another warning sign missed. She didn't have a full cup of pepper in her pepper box so called my brother again and added a big box of pepper to her list. After, my brother arrived home with the rest of her ingredients, she started to slice all the vegetables and put the soup together. Alas she read down far enough to discover that she needed two large stockpots rather than just the one she had been tossing things into. She was in trouble because she only had one stockpot so she called my mother because her mother doesn't cook much, less you count warming frozen food.

She explained to my Mother that she needed to borrow a stock pot. Mom said, "I thought you had one of those?" She did but claimed the recipe she was using called for two. Mom said this couldn't be right because you normally only need one to make soup. So she asked that my sister-in-law read her the recipe, she got to the four packages of mushrooms and Mom said, "Is it a Mushroom soup"? No, it was actually a vegetable soup. When she got to the cup of pepper, Mom laughed. "You have enough soup to feed an army", Mom said. So she was going to end up with two big stockpots of soup. Mom suggested freezing some which was a good idea, so all the freezer containers she had were filled. At the party, she kept pushing the soup..."Have some more soup!" It was really good soup but not that you would want two pots of it. Mom offered to cut the recipe down for my sister-in-law because she had no idea you could do that. *grin* Poor girl didn't have much of a cooking role model so you really can't blame her. We all went home with containers of soup as Mom brought over more containers with her. We had all had a good laugh over the Christmas Soup.

We are lucky to have her still with us because of past Christmas'. One year, Mom had made chicken livers special for my brother because he loves them and his wife won't cook them for him because they are gross. (I don't eat them either.) So my brother eat them and fed some to his daughter who liked them too, while my sister-in-law cried because he was feeding gross things to her baby. Cruel.

Another time, my father fed her pickled herring in cream sauce on a Ritz cracker. He told her was a "Slaa-ja" which I believe is the Polish name for those, as she was smart enough to ask. She rushed to the bathroom after that taste.

She's the most wonderful sister-in-law that I could have and we love her but we sure are hard on her.

Two Stories to Share

I have a couple of stories to share which I hope you might find some humor in. According to the story spreading through the hospital while I was there, in the recovery room as I was waking up the conversation went something like this: Nurse: Do you know your name? Me: Giving my full name. Nurse: Birthday? Me: Rattling off my birthday. Nurse: Do you have any questions? Me: Yes, Did I behave myself in surgery? I didn't cause any trouble like stop breathing? Nurse: Not this time. You did well and we got everything all fixed up. Me: Is Bush still President? Nurse: Yes. Me: Then you didn't fix everything. Nurse: I see your sense of humor survived the surgery. Me: (falls back asleep). So by the time, I was wheeled back to my starting room the story was making rounds. I heard it from a nurse myself.

Second story involves my niece who turned 11 this month. My father seems to have influenced the grandchildren as they are now eating like him. For Danny it's Mexican food and salsa on everything including his morning eggs. He likes everything as hot and as spicy as possible taking after his Grandpa who makes his own hot sauce because the store bought isn't hot enough for him.

For my niece, she has gotten hooked on sardines like her Grandpa. A can of sardines and a row of Ritz crackers and she's totally happy. Her mother won't buy her sardines because she thinks they are gross so her Dad (my brother) and her Grandpa keep her well supplied. Lately Lindsay has been even taking sardines and crackers as a school lunch. No problems with this until the day she got a can she couldn't open so had to ask a teacher to help. Linds handed the teacher the can and asked her to open it. The teacher looked at the can and said "Who put this in your lunch?", while making a face. Apparently the teacher thought someone was playing a cruel joke on the angelic blonde girl with light blue eyes. Lindsay said "I did. I love sardines! They are good!" The teacher opened the can and Linds did get to eat her lunch. The story got back to a cousin that teaches at that same school as it was told around the teacher's lounge.

autumn

As I sit crying with laughter...

....you really can't beat a good poo story....I have an indelible mental image of my colleague R******, on a skiing holiday, after two days of tequila and beer, with little or no food - feeling the birth pangs turn into the two second warning, he lagged behind the group and stopped, dropped his ski-pants and released.

Without removing his skis first. We had paused for him to catch up, unaware of why he had stopped, as he appeared over a small ridge, scuds round his ankles, bereft of ski poles, still crouching, leaving a thin brown trickle behind. I have never seen anyone look so horrified with embarrasment. He was quite proud of it later, though.

As much as I love regular sex

As much as I love regular sex,
my boyfriend and I also like to indulge in the odd bit of "fudge packing".
I usually find afterwards that my poop
a) stinks like poo with an aroma of jizm
b) comes out very oddly shaped, almost flat but long, as if it's been ironed.
Even when my bowels are empty before getting shagged up the arse.

As much as I love regular sex

As much as I love regular sex,
my boyfriend and I also like to indulge in the odd bit of "fudge packing".
I usually find afterwards that my poop
a) stinks like poo with an aroma of jizm
b) comes out very oddly shaped, almost flat but long, as if it's been ironed.
Even when my bowels are empty before getting shagged up the arse.

the timber

the friend of the son

One's a story...

Right, at work we have got 3 cubicles and it was the Christmas party pre-bash of drinking before going out.

I was sitting in the left one, Managing Director in the middle and Ollie went on the right after the MD closed the door.

I let of a bit of a fart and pooped a fat one which stank, and my MD tutted...then quick as a flash Ollie shouts.

"An now...in STEREO!"

And does the loudest, stinkiest fart followed by loads of bum cigars falling out his arse sploshing all the way with added knucnkle biting sounds and parps.

"Ah...Neptune's kiss..." He said after as the boss ran out the toilets feeling sick from the smell! *Neptune's kiss is the water that spashes up your jaxie after.

Lets just say the MD gave Ollie dirty looks for about 5 months after!

the branch

my son